Human Relations for Blogs

In my Carnegie training I have learned the nine keys to human relations. I am now trying to implement them in my personal life to improve those relations. The interaction that I experience through LDS blogging is a major reason why I stick around. I hope that if I can improve my end of these relationships things will be even better. I don’t express this as an expert, nor do I do this to scold anyone. Perhaps there are things on my list here that can help others as well. So here I go, Carnegie human relations keys applied to blogging.

1. Do not criticize, condemn or complain.

If improved human relations is your goal, simply do not do these things.

2. Give sincere appreciation.

If there are blogs or bloggers that you like and enjoy, then tell them once in a while. A little appreciation can go a long way in improving human relations.

3. Arouse in them an eager want.

This has more to do with influencing people. If you want to influence someone, you need to get them to want to change. I’m not sure how this would apply directly to blogging.

4. Show genuine interest in them.

Talk about them and what they are interested in. Stay on topic. Don’t thread jack. Showing interest in what they are doing will greatly help improve your relationship with them.

5. Smile.

:).

6. Refer to them by name.

A person’s name is the sweetest sound in the world to that person. Address them as a person and use their name if you want to strengthen your relationship with them.

7. Listen.

Let the other person do most of the talking, and show them that you are actually reading what they say. I notice many people will cut and past sections of comments. This can be good – as long as it is not to criticize. Showing that you have actually read the post and the comments is important.

8. Let them talk about themselves.

This is closely related to number 7. Getting to know them on a personal level is an important step.

9. Make them feel important.

I’m sure there are many on the ‘nacle that feel ignored and irrelevant. I have often felt this way. This can be a very powerful way of improving your relationships.

I am trying to make these types of changes in my personal life. I hope to be able to improve the quality of my human relations. I have sincere desires to do this. I have always tried to be a nice guy, but it was always quite general. This gives me a list of specific things I can do.

Are quality human relationships through blogging important to you?

Would life on the bloggernacle be better if more people followed these principles?

If I try to do this more will people think I am insincere and just trying to get something out of them? I hope not.

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17 Responses to “Human Relations for Blogs”


  1. 1 Connor Boyack October 23, 2006 at 3:46 pm

    If there are blogs or bloggers that you like and enjoy, then tell them once in a while. A little appreciation can go a long way in improving human relations.

    Eric, I enjoy all of your posts. :)

    3. Arouse in them an eager want.

    Does this mean something along the lines of enticing them to continue reading and wanting to find more about what you post? In other words, starting out with a catchy title and opening statement to give them an “eager want” for more? I’m confused on what this one means…

    Stay on topic. Don’t thread jack.

    Always an excellent rule to follow. This reminds me of a rule that I once heard in college…. just kidding!

    6. Refer to them by name.

    The last girl I dated did this quite often. She’d drop my name in the middle of a normal conversation. It was unexpected, and a little weird every time she did it, but a good weird.

    7. Listen.

    I’ve always had a difficulty with this one… :-P

    9. Make them feel important.

    This is a big one. I went to a lecture w/ Stephen Covey last week (notes posted here for any interested) and something he said stuck out to me: “The most important thing you can do for somebody is to affirm them.” I loved that.

    Are quality human relationships through blogging important to you?

    For me, I’d say yes. I “know” several people in the bloggernacle, and enjoy the “relationships” we have together. I probably have as many virtual friends as I do “real” ones. Man, I’m a nerd.

  2. 2 Dave October 23, 2006 at 4:08 pm

    Nice ideas, Eric. Yes, it’s easy to forget that there are real people lurking behind those onscreen names or handles. Especially when they say something that is especially deserving of a critical response. In that sense, blogging is good practice for speaking kindly to people whether they deserve it or not.

  3. 3 Michelle October 23, 2006 at 4:09 pm

    Thanks for this. I liked it a lot. Good food for thought in both real life and online. :)

  4. 4 Michelle October 23, 2006 at 4:09 pm

    And the picture is fantastic! :)

  5. 5 Jettboy October 23, 2006 at 5:08 pm

    I am happy if someone leaves a comment on my blog. That is thanks enough – even if you disagree.

  6. 6 Eric Nielson October 23, 2006 at 8:33 pm

    Connor:

    Thanks dude. Your support and friendship over the last few months has been great. As far as principle 3 goes (Arouse in them an eager want). In the Carnegie course this has to do with getting the people you supervise to want to improve other than feeling forced to improve. The trick is sometimes to get them to think that your idea is actually their idea. It might go like this: Connor, what would you think about doing a series of posts about the sermons of Christ? And as a result of our conversation you feel it is as much or more your idea. This might be better than saying: Have a post on a parable of Christ written by tomorrow. But I don’t know how this would work very well with blog interaction.

    Dave:

    Thanks man. I hope I can be a good example of this once in a while.

    Michelle:

    Keep Smiling :)

    I’m not sure why my smile in the post did not come through. Was it the period right after the parenthasis? :).

    Jettboy:

    Sprinkling comments is underrated. I’m going to try to do even more of it. In most cases it doesn’t take much. Even a ‘nice thoughts’ can make my day sometimes.

  7. 7 Michelle October 23, 2006 at 9:26 pm

    But I don’t know how this would work very well with blog interaction.

    What it makes me think of is that when one tries to write something that could (or is intended to) inspire change, that it not be preachy, but be inspirational and ownable in some way.

  8. 8 BrianJ October 24, 2006 at 12:54 pm

    Eric,

    Nice post–but I found you doing these things months ago (which I think is before you started the classes). It’s the main reason I enjoy visiting Blogger of Jared.

    I would add one more point though: Listen. You should actually read what others say. Showing that you have actually read the post and the comments is important–especially if you think you have a point to add.

  9. 9 Eric Nielson October 24, 2006 at 3:05 pm

    Thanks BrianJ.

    In a strange irony I think I do a better job of some of this stuff in blogging than I do in real life. I’m not sure what that means.

  10. 10 Johnna October 24, 2006 at 10:58 pm

    When you posted about the Carnegie thing before, it sounded so good I looked into doing it myself. (Hmm. you must already be inspiring the eager want.)

    But, at a couple thousand dollars a course, that can’t be part of my lifestyle right now. I’m so glad you’re posting some highlights. I’ve been so curious about what they teach and train.

    No criticizing, condemning, or complaining? I spent all afternoon and evening getting kids redirected on their homework. I did something worse than complaining or criticizing: when my one kid decided to cut some of the planned finesse on her project because she didn’t want to bother at that point, I just said “fine” tightly and left the room to go shadow the other kid.

    Put these nine points in a different order, and you’ve also got most of what was worth gleaning from Andelin’s Fascinating Womanhood.

    I haven’t thought of improved human relations as a stated goal before. Mostly I’m wondering how I can get more sleep.

  11. 11 Michelle October 24, 2006 at 11:04 pm

    Mostly I’m wondering how I can get more sleep.

    Boy, I am sure with you there, sister! :)

  12. 12 Eric Nielson October 25, 2006 at 6:35 am

    Johnna:

    Thanks for your comments. I am glad my company is paying for this or I would not be in it. I might recommend the famous book ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’. The principles are in there with lots of examples.

    The class uses a lot of public speaking exercises where we discuss our goals and how we intend to reach them in our work. We will give a couple of 2 minute talks each week. Our talks are evaluated.

    I have found that I have a few blind spots when it comes to human relations, at least now I am aware of them.

    Good luck with the whole kids and sleep thing.

  13. 13 Eric Nielson October 25, 2006 at 6:37 am

    Connor:

    I think I came up with a better example of step 3 – arouse an eager want.

    If someone were to want to get others to keep the Sabath day more holy through a post, they would be better off trying to get people to WANT to keep the Sabath. Instead of using guilt trips or preaching – arouse a want.

  14. 14 Ryan October 25, 2006 at 3:46 pm

    Can guilt not arouse in us a desire to obey the sabbath?

  15. 15 Eric Nielson October 26, 2006 at 9:52 am

    Sure, Ryan. But if the goal is improved human relations then you will often be better off trying to convince the other person that they want to do better, instead of them feeling that they are being guilted into it.

    Besides, doing things for positive reasons is better than doing things for negative reasons.

  16. 16 Michelle October 26, 2006 at 2:17 pm

    In business school, my emphasis was in organizational change. One of the things one of my favorite professors taught the idea that the more my feet have to move, the more my heart has to be moved. I think this concept might be relevant.


  1. 1 the mother of All Trackback on October 24, 2006 at 11:31 pm

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